Scars
by Lollipop456
Summary: WARNING: Some OOCness. Possible AU. When Jake confides in Michaela that he has seen Teresa's scars and now she no longer wants him to touch her; Michaela helps him to see that perhaps all the situation needs is a little understanding from Jake.


Jake stared at the closed door to the clinic. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there; probably a good ten minutes. This wasn't exactly something you discussed openly with a neighbor, but Dr. Mike was a different sort of neighbor: a doctor. More importantly, a lady doctor. Perhaps she would understand what was going on with Teresa; even recommend some sort of medication or treatment so that she'd feel like herself again. Still, this was personal. Very personal. Embarassment, however great it was, was overrided by Jake's concern for his wife.

Sighing, Jake knocked on the door and heard Dr. Mike call for him to come in. Hat in hand, Jake stepped into the clinic where Dr. Mike was reading over some books. She looked up when the door closed.

"Oh, Jake. What a surprise." Dr. Mike said, smiling.

"If you're too busy, I can come back later." Jake turned to leave.

"Nonsense. My door is always open. Have a seat, and I'll be with you in a moment."

Jake sat down in a nearby chair and clutched his hat in his hands. After what seemed like forever, Dr. Mike finally closed the books and put them on the shelf.

"Sorry about that. I was just going over some of my father's medical journals. Old research is just as helpful as new." Dr. Mike explained.

"Research?" Jake asked.

"On smallpox. There's a family outside of town who is quarantined."

"Maybe you should go check on them. I can wait."

"Well, they're over the worse of it. I was just being cautious. What about you? How are you feeling?"

Jake gave a nervous smile. "I'm feeling great. Just great."

"I see. Then, why did you come to the clinic?"

Jake stood and started pacing. "I'm not used to doing something like this, Dr. Mike. It's just that it's been almost three weeks and I'm starting to get worried about her."

"Her? You mean Teresa?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah. It's about Teresa."

Dr. Mike shrugged. "If she's unwell, why didn't she come in herself? I thought she was no longer frightened of me."

"It's nothing like that. She isn't sick. She's just different. Not herself." Jake sat back down. "It's kind of hard to explain."

"Well, I'm listening."

"Whatever I say won't be repeated? Not even to Sully?"

"Jake, you should know by now that you have my confidence."

Jake sighed and leaned back in his chair. "It happened a few weeks ago. Teresa and I had agreed that we'd never see each other...undress. She didn't want me to see her scars. So, we'd undress in seperate rooms and have nothing but moonlight when we were...together. Then, one day, when she wasn't paying attention; my curiousity got the better of me and I took a peek. I'll never forget what those scars looked like, Dr. Mike. Long, thick white lines all over her back, her chest, and her..."

Jake buried his face in his hands and sighed deeply. Dr. Mike didn't want him to talk about anything he didn't want to; she wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear where the remainder of Teresa's scars were. Though, she did have a pretty good guess.

"She saw me looking at her. Must've seen how angry I was. She wasn't wrong. I had known the renegades had attacked her, but I couldn't have known that they had their way with her. It made me stick to my stomach to know they put her through that nightmare. Anyway, she started to cry and locked me out of the room. When she finally let me back in, she was in her nightgown and wouldn't let me touch her. I tried to tell her that the scars didn't bother me, and that she was beautiful the way that she was. Ever since then-"

"She's been refusing your touch." Dr. Mike finished.

"Among other things. It's not that we're not together in that way that bothers me, Dr. Mike. It's that she almost seems afraid of me and disgusted with herself."

Dr. Mike sighed. "She probably is. Obviously, I can't speak on her behalf, but...sometimes people who've suffered the sort of trauma she has, they begin to feel as if they're not worthy of love. That any sort of affection is just undeserving."

"What can you do for her?"

"Nothing. It has to be you, Jake. Talk to her. It may take a little bit of effort, but as much as Teresa loves you, I'm sure she will listen."

Jake nodded slowly and stood. "Thanks, Dr. Mike."

That night, at Jake and Teresa's home, Jake cautiously approached the bedroom door before opening it. Teresa was sitting in front of the mirror, brushing her hair. Jake came up behind her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder which made her flinch.

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry. I don't mean to-"

"It's all right. I understand. Come sit with me."

Teresa nodded and allowed Jake to lead her over to the bed. There was a moment of silence between them, before Jake reached over and took Teresa's hand. She took in a breath but didn't pull away.

"I went to see Dr. Mike today." Jake finally said.

"Dr. Quinn? Why?"

"Because I was worried about you. She told me something that made me understand what's been going on. Teresa, I'm not gonna lie and say that seeing your scars didn't upset me. They did. Only because I love you so much and the thought of anyone doing something that horrible to you. You don't know how much it hurts me. Then again, I'm not the one that went through it. You are. I can't even imagine what that must've been like and I really don't want to. All I know is that I understand now and I'm gonna be patient and wait for you to come back to me."

"You are at least trying to understand.

"What do you mean?"

"My first husband and I. We loved each other very much, but after the attack something changed. I was so scared to let him touch me. He was so confused and so hurt, because all he wanted to do was show how much he loved me. I told him to try to understand what happened, but the more I told him that, the more distant he became. Oh, we would tell each other we loved one another and share a kiss or two, but because he never understood what had happened. Never tried to. I couldn't help but be angry with him, and just when the anger was beginning to subside. It was too late to go back to him. I don't want that to happen to us, Jake. Just by saying you understand, it shows me that you are a good man and, more importantly, I am lucky to have found someone again who is as kind as you."

Jake kissed Teresa on the forehead. "I'll sleep downstairs, if it'll make you feel better."

"No. Stay with me."

Jake nodded and the two of them laid down in bed together; Jake turned on his side, but kept a hold of Teresa's hand. It wasn't much, but it was a start. At least now, some of her scars would heal. They would heal, as long as they were together.


End file.
